


Lost and Found

by castielise



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gas-N-Sip (Supernatural), Light Angst, M/M, Praying to Castiel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-29 20:31:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21416242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielise/pseuds/castielise
Summary: Set after Cas told Dean he needed to move on :( - time period is 15X09 when we're told Dean prays to CasThis was written pre-airing of 15x09.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Lost and Found

-Dean feels helpless, lost, and so remorseful. He can't stop thinking about what he said to Cas that horrible night. He has to know if Cas is alright. Cas's powers were failing. What if he's stuck out there, powerless, defenseless? What if something happens to him? Dean's thoughts keep filling his head with scenarios that are worse and worse. He has to see if Cas is alright. Dean has kept from checking the GPS locator that he installed in Cas's phone a while back. He doesn't want to invade Cas' privacy, but he just can't bare the thought that Cas might not be ok out there. He has to at least see him to make sure.-

-Dean tracks Cas to a Gas-N-Sip and made sure to park where Cas wouldn't see him. But he can see Cas, working. This feels all too familiar. He figures Cas is a creature of habit, and Cas knows how to do this job from when he was human. Does that mean he's already human again? Has he lost all his power? Dean sees that Cas is busy stocking chocolate in the candy aisle. Cas looks so focused on the task at hand. Dean gets the urge to go in and apologize and grovel and ask him to come back, but it was Cas's choice to leave. Cas is free to do as he wishes. God isn't pulling the strings anymore (as far as Dean knows) and now that Cas has the freedom to choose his own life, it's only right that Dean allows him his autonomy. This was Cas's choice. He doesn't need Dean. That's what Dean tells himself. If you love something, set it free.-

-Dean sits in his car, watching Cas still stocking candy. He assumes Cas is human, but he just needs Cas to know how he feels. How sorry he is about the things that he said, about taking Cas for granted. Dean finds himself praying. It wasn't planned, and he knows that Cas can't hear him now that he's powered down, but he needs to get it out. He needs to get these emotions out - so he pretends that Cas can here him and prays:

Dean: Cas, I know this is useless. I'm pretty sure you're human now and can't hear this, but I had to let you know. I have to let you know- how sorry I am. I can't stand that I hurt you. I can't stand that things ended the the way they did. Cas- I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it. I was angry -and I know that's no excuse- but I was so angry. At Chuck, at the world, at our shitty situation. But the truth is... I was also scared. Scared that what we had wasn't real- and I know you said that it was, but how could I be sure? Knowing that Chuck had been pulling the strings all along? How could I know? So I shut down. I got bitter. Because that's what I do. Because of course it wasn't real. Of course one of the best things to ever happen to me was all a lie. The way you cared about me wasn't real. The way you were always there, it was just because Chuck was manipulating us. It was only to mess with me. Our bond, whatever, it was all a lie. I pushed you away because I was hurting. I was pissed off at the thought of Chuck making me think someone like you could actually give a crap about someone like me, only to yank it all away and throw it in my face with the truth. That we were just pawns in his sick twisted story. It wasn't your choice to care about me. At least, that's what I thought. But now Cas? Now I know- that's just not true. I know you left and I'll respect your decision to leave, but I just had to let you know that, Cas, I believe you now. What we had was real. You were right, and I should have listened to you and trusted you. And I don't deserve your forgiveness. And I'm not asking you to forgive me. But I know now what we had was just something else. Something that not even Chuck saw coming. And nobody can take that away from me, from us. I know I'm no good for you, for your life. I mean, when you first laid a hand on me in hell you were lost, remember? Or at least that's what they say. But, I miss you Cas. I'll always miss you. And I should have told you this a long time ago but, Cas, I...I... ..ugh what the hell am I DOING? You can't even hear me! You can't hear me, and I'm out here like a dumbass talking to myself. I'm a damn stalker on top of it. Perfect. This is not your finest moment, Dean Winchester. I'm such a friggin' idiot. You left. That was YOUR choice. I need to respect that. Aaaand I'm still talking to myself. Great. Just great. I better get back before Sam-*tap tap tap on the window*

-Dean's eyes goes wide as he sees Cas standing right outside Baby's driver seat window, looking at him with an unreadable expression. Great, even when he's human you still can't get a read on what the guy's thinking. Dean rolls down his window:

Dean: Cas! Hey, uh I can explain. So, I was in the area and-

Cas: Dean. Stop. Is it true?

Dean: Is what true?

Cas: Everything you said, prayed, just now. 

Dean: You...you heard that? 

Cas: Of course I heard it, Dean. *impatient and apprehensive* Did you mean it? 

Dean: But I thought you powers were failing? *flustered* I thought you were human already? You, I mean, you wer- were working here and the last time you worked some place like this, I mean, you were human so I we- well I just figured you were human and you couldn't hear me and, well I guess that's good news that you haven't lost your powers, huh? But I thought just- you know that- you know- and well, so I assumed because I thought-

Cas: DEAN. *irritated* You're rambling.

Dean: Yea, well. *also irritated* *sigh* This is not- Cas *Dean moves to get out of the car* *Cas backs away from the Car to let him out* *Dean shuts the car door behind him* Cas. *A lot calmer now * Yea, Cas. *nervous but still calm* I meant it. *looks down at his feet* *looks back up at Cas, directly in the eyes* Every word. 

Cas: *blinks, unsure* Dean. Dean I want to believe you. I really do, but Dean- the things you said...

Dean: Cas. It kills me that I hurt you, that I broke any part of you. Honestly, I don't expect you to forgive me. I didn't come here to try and get you to come back. I just needed to see you. To be sure that you were ok. I...I know it was your choice to leave. I get that. so I'll respect it. 

Cas: *suddenly angry, but a contained anger* You keep saying that. That it was my choice to leave, like that's what I wanted..what I want? That's not- I didn't WANT to leave, Dean. I just couldn't stay there and keep feeling the way I was feeling. You barely looked at me. I wasn't the same to you anymore. I don't even know what I was to you before, but at least you could look at me. At least we had something real that I thought... I thought could never be broken. But it is broken, Dean. You broke. My heart. and I needed to try and move on to preserve the little dignity I had left. We were real Dean. I still believe that, but I can't just go back to the way things were. Something has to change, and I don't even know how or what. I just- *sigh* I can't subject myself to anymore heartbreak. The pain is just... it's too unbearable, Dean. *looks at Dean with pain in his eyes*

Dean: I'm not asking for things to go back to the way they were. I don't want that, Cas. The way things were was bullshit. Chuck was in control. But Chuck is gone, now. We can write our own story. But then...haven't we always done that? "We're making it up as we go"?

Cas: *looks surprised* You...remember that?

Dean: Of course I remember that, Cas. Remembering that was actually what made me realize that you were right about us being real. Chuck didn't see you coming. You weren't even supposed to be there that night. Hell, I didn't even see you coming... *trails off as if remembering something* That was the day that- *Dean stops abruptly mid-sentence*

Cas: *squints and tilts his head* The day that what, Dean?

Dean. Uh, well. *has a small internal struggle, but quickly gains resolve* That was the day... that I fell in love with you.

Cas: *stunned* *speechless*

Dean: Cas. Is... is that ok? 

Cas: *still stunned*

Dean: Because I mean it, Cas. *slowly approaches Cas as not to scare him off* I was a coward before, but I can't take you for granted anymore, Cas. I... *puts a tentative hand on Cas's shoulder and finds Cas's eye-line* I love you.

Cas: *Cas comes out of shock, stares back at Dean with watery eyes, and sighs* Dean. *Cas puts his own hand on Dean's, where it rests on Cas's shoulder and takes Dean's hand off of his shoulder*

Dean: *looks taken aback and begins to retreat at the thought that Cas must not feel the same way* Oh, um *Dean begins to pull his hand away in an attempt to back up, out of Cas's personal space*

Cas: *grabs Dean's hand more firmly and pulls him back in - for a slow, passionate kiss that feels like it's making up for so much lost time* *Cas gently puts one hand on Dean's face while the other holds Dean in an embrace* *Dean melts into the kiss and holds Cas closer* *they finally pull away, smiling, and resting their foreheads against each other, while holding each other*

Dean: *relieved smile* So... the feeling is mutual?

Cas: *rolls his eyes but smiles and leans in even closer to where their mouths are almost touching again* I guess something just changed.

Dean: *confused, but still smiling* Wha?

Cas: *shakes his head* I forgive you, Dean. And yes, the feeling is abundantly mutual. I love you, Dean. I have always loved you. From the moment I laid a hand on you in hell... *He looks into Dean's eyes* ...I was found. 

Dean: *bright eyed, eyebrows shoot up* *heart filled with love* Cas... *Dean leans in to kiss Cas again and again* 

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first work. I'm not good at creatively writing descriptions, so this will mostly be in dialogue format. Thank you for reading!


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